THE LAUGHING GNOME
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I was walking- down the high street- when I heard footsteps behind me,
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and there was a little old man in scarlet and grey, chuckling away.
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Well he trotted- back to my house- and he sat beside the telly,
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with his tiny hands on his tummy, chuckling away, chugging all day.
[spoken] "I ought to report you to the gnome office." "Gnome office, ha,ha,ha!"
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Ha,ha, ha!- Hee,hee, hee!- I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me.-
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Ha,ha, ha!- Hee,hee, hee!- I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me.-
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Said the laughing gnome.
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Well I gave him- roasted toad-stools- And a glass of dandelion wine.
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Then I put him on a train to Eastbourne and carried his bag and gave him a fag.
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"Ave you got a light boy?" "'Ere! Where do you come from?"
"Gnome-man's land." "Oh,really."
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In the morning- when I woke up- he was sitting on the edge of my bed-
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with his brother whose name was Fred. He'd brought him along- to sing me a song.-
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"Alright let's here it?" "'Ere! what's that clicking sound?"
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"That's Fred. He's a metrognome." "Own up. I'm a gnome, ain' I?"
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"Ain't you got a gnome to go to?"
"No! We're gnomads." "Didn't they teach you to get your 'aircut at school? You
look like a rolling gnome."
"Not at the London school of Ecognomics."
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Now they staying- up the chimney- and we're living on caviar and honey-
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'cause they're earning me lots of money,writing comedy prose for radio shows.
"It's the er- it's the gnome service, of course."
[repeat chorus and fade]
